THE JENING RAP
(to the tune of Can’t Touch This by M.C. Hammer)
Every time you see him
The JENING’s just so hyped
He’s dope on the floor
And he’s magic with his knife
Now why would he ever
Stop doing this
When others playing spy
That just don’t hit
He’s toured around the world
From Dustbowl to the Pit
He’s JENING
Go JENING
MC JENING
Yo JENING
And the rest can go and play
Can’t touch this
JENING!
THE JENING BALLAD
(to the tune of The Ballad of Gilligan’s Isle by Sherwood Shwartz)
Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale
A tale we all can sing
About a spy who is known
As Unite S Jening
JENING hails from JENINGland
As a salesman he is slick
Selling JENINGrators for
JENINGral Electric (JENINGral Electric)
Then JENING picked up TF2
To a server he did go
Then JENING’s life would change one day
When JENING said ‘hello’
At first they did not welcome him
They said to go, please leave
They muted him
And said please stop
But on he stabbed
To the top
And then they cheered
They loved the spy they had met
They went to JENING dot net!
Now this is a tale about JENING
He loves to play as spy
But do not take his word for it
His stats do not lie
JENING and his JENINGsquad
Will do their very best
To stab, to score, to reign supreme
In a game called Team Fortress
He stabs, he cloaks, he disguises
He plays all day and night
And then he invites you his friends
To visit his website
So if you have not visited
And left a comment yet
Go right now, grab a friend
And post on the JENINGnet!
JENING 500 HOURS
(to the tune of I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles) by The Proclaimers)
When I decloak
Yeah you know I’m gonna be, I’m gonna be
The spy who decloaks behind you
And when you’re building
Yeah you know I’m gonna be, I’m gonna be
The spy who’s sappin’ behind you
And when I disguise
Yeah you know I’m gonna be, I’m gonna be
The spy who disguises as you
And when I’m a red spy
Yeah you know I’m gonna be, I’m gonna be
The red spy who’s actually blue
And JENING would spy five hundred hours
And JENING would spy five hundred more
Just to be the spy who’d spy a thousand
Hours and stab you to the floor
When we’re together
Yeah you know I’m gonna be, I’m gonna be
The spy who’s devoted to you
Cause when I’m playing
I’ll clear those sentries out
And I’ll stab and sap and reign supreme for you
But when we’re fighting
Yeah you know I’m gonna be, I’m gonna be
The spy who’s gone hunting for you
But I’ll be singing
Unlike those other spies, I’m gonna be
The spy who’s serenading you
I’m gonna be the spy who sings this song
To you
And JENING would spy five hundred hours
And JENING would spy five hundred more
Just to be the spy who’d spy a thousand
Hours and stab you to the floor
JENING’S NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP (THE JENING ROLL)
(to the tune of Never Gonna Give You Up by Rick Astley)
When you’re playing Team Fortress
You’ll pick a class but
He’ll play spy
A full commitment to his
Chosen path
You wouldn’t see him with-
Out his suit and tie
And if you ask him what he’s thinking
Here’s what JENING will
Say to you
Never gonna give it up
Never drop cloak till he’s found
Till then he’ll run around and
divert you
Pyros might make him fry
But he will always play spy
And then JENING says hi
And stabs you
JENING’s been spying, for so long
Hundreds of hours with
His Disguise Kit
On any map he, will sing his song
Dustbowl, Goldrush, or
Even Gravel Pit
And he’ll ask you to visit his website
Triple double you dot JENING dot net
Never gonna give it up
Never drop cloak till he’s found
Till then he’ll run around and
divert you
Pyros might make him fry
But he will always play spy
And then JENING says hi
And stabs you
SPYING FOREVER
(to the tune of Together Forever by Rick Astley)
If it’s JENING that you need
All you have to do is play
You know he, plays as spy
It’s a guarantee
He never wastes a single day
So you might play pyro
Scout, heavy, or demo
But JENING will always play spy
He is unchanging
When you see him he’s saying
I’ll play spy for the rest of my life
He’s spying forever, he’ll never be done
He’s spying forever, it’s true
Six hundred hours and JENING’s just begun
To be spying forever with you
When you are playing a round
JENING will always sing to you
Because he wouldn’t ever wanna see you frown
He just wants to entertain you
So visit his website
And post something tonight
Something to last for all time
He’s never changing
When you see him he’s saying
I’ll play spy for the rest of my life
He’s spying forever, he’ll never be done
He’s spying forever, it’s true
Six hundred hours and JENING’s just begun
To be spying forever with you
THE JENINGMAN (written by SiberX)
(to the tune of The Pianoman by Billy Joel)
It’s 11 pm Jening Standard Time
The regular crowd logs in
There’s a good demo who spawned next to me
Taunting noobs with his bottle of gin
He said “spy, can you sing me a pleasant tune,
Of backstabs and many hours played.
But be doooone be-fore round start ’cause I’ll be
Causing mayhem once’these stickies are laid.”
La la la…
[CHORUS]
And John at the spawn is a friend of mine,
He gives me tele-ports, for free
And he’s quick with a wrench
When he catches the stench
Of cigga’rettes smoked surrRep-titiously
Your kind ‘aint my favourite, he says to me.
Always sappin’ my sentries and all
But I re-spect a man of your character,
“A’good friend of’mine” YOU I can’call.
Heavy paul thinks his medic’s a spy now too
Even when he’is… ubercharged.
And the demo’s stag-gering like A drunkard
But HE’s not smashed, just terrified.
And the engies have all gone so paranoid,
The snipers; nowhere to be found
Even pyros they check their backs constantly
Each time that spy Jening’s around
[CHORUS]
Well it’s a pretty good crowd, for a saturday
And the Admin he gives me a smile
Cause he knows that it’s me
They’ve been comin’ to see,
To get stabbed in the face for awhile
And the server looks like a massacre
There’s people dying everywhere
But the source of the strife ‘aint nowhere to be seen
All we hear is the “shick” of his knife.
Oh la la la…
[CHORUS]
CHORUS:
Sing us a song, you’re the Jening, man.
Sing us a song tonight
Cause we’re all in the mood for a jolly good time
Even if you will kill us on sight
BACKSTABBING SPY
(to the tune of American Pie by Don McLean)
A long, long time ago
I can still remember
How those backstabs used to make me smile
And I knew if I had my chance
That I could help my team advance
And clear out anything that looked hostile
But February made me shiver
With that update Valve delivered
Bad news in the patch notes
A lump welled up in my throat
I can’t remember if I cried
When I read the changes to the spy
But something touched me deep inside
The day the backstab died
So . . .
CHORUS:
Bye bye, good old backstab of mine
Valve changed the animation
And we’re left asking why
It won’t be the same, no matter how hard we try
But we’ll never give up playing as spy
We’ll never give up playing as spy
Now the spy has always had it tough
Those backstabs slipped and those flames were rough
But that was just our reality
But the one thing on which we relied
Was stabbing you even in your side
It gave us hope and more than one strategy
Well they took away our bag of tricks
And those facestabs we hate are still not fixed
Now Valve your faults are few
But really did you think this through
Now the animation, well yes it’s quick
But what good is it when it’s just a nick
It feels like stabbing at a wall of bricks
The day the backstab died
I started singing…
[CHORUS]
Now the new patch is not all bad news
There’s new disguises for us to choose
And your name and health we can look and see
But the backstab change well that was key
It changed the spy fundamentally
From where we stand to how we sap your sentries
So this is what has come to pass
All spies must relearn their class
And now we must predict
Can old dogs learn new tricks
And as for JENING would he be strong
And stick with the class he’s played so long
Well he still spied when he wrote this song
The day the backstab died
And we were singing . . .
[CHORUS]
Well you my friends fought the good fight
You told the world of the spy’s plight
Weeks passed and March came along
Well Valve was kind they paid us heed
And gave us the changes we said we need
Maybe they even heard our song
So our sidestabs they were restored
Valve took care of our discord
They even fixed disguises
They’re so full of surprises
So thank you Valve you tightened your belt
And your response it made our hearts melt
But we won’t forget the way we felt
The day the backstabs died
And we started singing
[CHORUS]
SECRET JENING MAN
(to the tune of Secret Agent Man by Johnny Rivers)
There’s a spy who plays a game of danger
To everyone he stabs he stays a stranger
With every move he makes another point he takes
He’s spied a month and he’ll still spy tomorrow
CHORUS:
Secret JENING man
Secret JENING man
And even when you burn him
That JENING understands
Beware of that one teammate who lags behind
He might just be a spy in your back line
And be careful what you say
That chat bubble gives you away
And odds are you’ll be spotted by a pyro
[CHORUS]
Spying in Badwater Basin one day
And playing in the Lumberyard the next day
But if your backstab slips
And you’re down to your last clip
The odds are you won’t live to see tomorrow
[CHORUS]
But you will never find him
He’s the secret JENING man
Secret JENING man!
